When I tell people I’m Jewish, I get a variety of different reactions. Some people excitedly say, “me too!” or tell me about someone who’s close to them who is also Jewish. Others view me with suspicion, and immediately ask me what I think about Israel, or if it’s true that Jews do or believe some thing or the other. One of the most interesting reactions I get is, “oh… well, you don’t look Jewish!”
I can see why they say this. A lot of people only have a single story of what a Jew looks like, does, or believes, and I break some of those stereotypes. I wasn’t raised Jewish; I cover my head in a style that’s pretty uncommon nowadays; I have blue eyes; I know more Yiddish than Hebrew; I keep Kosher, but I mess up sometimes. I don’t fit the image people have in their head, an image that’s often based on antisemitic stereotypes. I should also note that Jews of color face a lot more scrutiny as to their Jewish identity – both within and outside of the Jewish community – than I do as a white person.
While I’m happy to help people question the image in their head, the underlying assumption always hurts a little: the assumption that I’m not a “real” Jew. It hurts especially when it comes from other Jewish people.
It’s true that I’m not ethnically Jewish, and I’ve only started exploring Jewish culture – mostly Ashkenazi culture, since it’s the most represented Jewish culture in Wisconsin – over the past several years. But I don’t think that makes me less Jewish. I am a firm believer in Hashem (G-d). I pray, I read Torah, I light Shabbat candles, and sometimes, I tell my other Jewish friends about things they didn’t even know about. My conversion was completed under rabbinic supervision. I might not look Jewish, but I act Jewish. Why shouldn’t I count?
There’s a quote from a famous Jewish philosopher, Maimonides, that always brings me some peace when it comes to this issue. In a letter to a convert, Maimonides writes, “no difference exists between you and us, and all miracles done to us have been done, as it were, to us and to you.” He goes on to further affirm that the convert is a part of the Jewish story. I wish I could feel confident in myself without Maimonides’ help, but I shield my heart with his words, as well as the commonly-held belief that every Jewish soul – mine included – was present at the giving of the Torah (Jewish holy book) at Sinai. Jewish or not, I hope anyone who feels similar tensions to those I feel can draw on Maimonides’ wisdom: you are an essential part of your community’s story. You belong.